How Not to Care (Too Much) in 3 Simple Steps
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." - Bernard Baruch
After a recent conversation, I realized that we, as humans, care way too much about what others think about us. This obsession with acceptance and validation is an obstacle. It hinders us from living life fully and becoming the best version of ourselves. Think about it. We often value the opinions of our church, families, friends, coworkers, and even strangers over our own needs and desires. Unfortunately, this need to conform and align with societal norms starts in early childhood and carries into adulthood.
Below, I list three simple things we can do to help us care less about what others think about us.
#1 Be Present
If you are dancing freely in a public place and suddenly witness a group of people frowning, you might think, “Why are they looking at me? Did I do something wrong? Am I causing a scene?” Because of conditioning, we are programmed to pause and wonder how our behavior impacts those around us. Don’t get me wrong, self-awareness is important. However, being too self-aware can lead to anxiety and being too self-critical — there needs to be balance.
Whether you are dancing freely in a public space or presenting a speech, fully embrace and live in that moment. When you learn to live in every moment, the frowns or stares don’t matter. If you suddenly become self-critical and start to care about what others think, it’s because you have shifted out of the present moment. You might think, “Is my music too loud? Do I look silly?” If you are genuinely minding your own business, being yourself, and not directly harming anyone, take a few deep breaths, clear your mind, and continue.
If anyone is offended by your self-expression, it’s because you are triggering something in them that they lack. The key is to learn to observe without thought. Whenever I dance alone and notice people staring, I smile and keep it moving. ;)
#2 Be Authentic
Those who have tapped into the frequency of authenticity have learned (or are learning) to remove or minimize the emotion of embarrassment. Just imagine for a moment if every human didn’t experience embarrassment. How would it be? We would express ourselves fully and freely, right? We would sing aloud, dance freely, and be unapologetically ourselves. We would dress and express ourselves the way we wanted, not in the socially acceptable way. We would treat the world as our stage rather than peeking through the curtains from backstage.
When you evolve, rediscover yourself, and learn to love yourself unconditionally, something magical happens. Suddenly, you begin to live in your truth, and that truth is what shifts you into a new, bolder version of yourself. The more authentic you become, the less you care about how others view or think of you. Additionally, authenticity is extremely contagious and acts as a trigger to awaken and inspire others to embrace their truth.
#3 Mind Your Business
We must reprogram our minds to ‘not give a damn.’ For example, if you find out that Sally Mae, over in Timbuktu doesn’t like your YouTube channel, how is this directly impacting you? Why do you care? Again, we care because of conditioning. We are programmed to focus more on the negative than the positive. However, as you evolve, you’ll discover neither of these things matter at all. The goal is to not expect people to like or dislike you. When we continuously set expectations, we shift out of the present moment and become obsessed over a ‘future’ outcome.
When we learn to detach from a future outcome, live authentically, and be in the present, we magically no longer give a damn what others think. Sally Mae’s problem with you is none of your business. She will need to figure out how to work through her own feelings. Remember, we are all playing a role. Do not allow someone else’s opinion to dictate and debilitate you. Now, if you are recovering from People Pleaser Syndrome, it will take time, so be patient with yourself. Thank you for reading. Love, Ari.
Just before I turned 40 someone told me that on my birthday I would wake up and I wouldn’t care what anyone thought of me. Magically it happened. I love that saying: what you think of me is none of my business. Thanks for sharing, Ari. It’s a good topic.